Monday, April 13, 2009

I so agree

So sorry, I've been neglecting my blog, I've been quite busy the past week and continue to be busy and nervous this week as I prepare to give my testimony or "faith walk" talk to my MOPS group on Thursday. I will be talking about how my walk and relationship with God has changed and grown through the losses I have suffered in the past few months. Let's pray I can make it through.

Since I don't have a brain cell to think about blogging about my own topic I wanted to share with you a post from a fellow blogger, Debbie, at Suburb Sanity. I came across her post last night about "mommy guilt" and I couldn't say it better than she did so I am going to just copy and paste it for you, I don't know if this is legal in the blog world, however I thought it was a risk worth taking. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did and gain some insight as well.

Let's focus on the positive for a change

Two serious posts from me in one week? You all may start asking for your money back. But since I don't earn anything...well, the joke is on you.

My post Monday on our insecurities and how they keep us from enjoying our lives to their fullest seemed to hit home with folks. I was thinking about that post all week. That, coupled with the fact that my dear friend Heather (Hi Heather! Love ya'!) wrote a series of posts last week that dealt with her struggle to be the kind of mother she wants to be, made me focus quite a bit this week on our lives. And I have a little more pontificating to do on the subject.

I'm wondering why we are all so fixated on not being good enough? It's not like our kids aren't doing well. For the most part, all of our kids are happy, healthy, well-adjusted people. It has always been my assertion that only good mothers question the job they are doing anyway. This past week, right here in my little suburb, a six year old boy called 911 at 2:00 a.m. Why? His mommy wasn't home. Where was his mommy? At a local bar. Now, do you think that woman is a good mother? Of course not. My cat is a better mother than that and she hasn't ever had kittens. But do you think that woman, wherever she is right this minute, is questioning whether she is a good mother or not?

Let me answer that for you. No. That woman hasn't ever questioned her mothering skills. I bet anything she is ticked off that people are calling her mothering into question. After all, the kid is fine. And he knew to call 911. I bet she's thinking she is doing a swell job raising him.

So, who are these fabulous women we are all comparing ourselves to and finding that we are coming up short? Angelina? I sure hope not because the woman makes an obscene amount of money and has a nanny for each child. Other movie stars? People on TV?

Love your kids. Read to your kids. Keep them as healthy as you are able. Make them feel safe and secure. Give them a magical childhood full of imagination, tree-climbing, and fairy tales. Every year that we had a child in first grade, we read the complete Laura Ingalls Wilder series out loud as a family as a bedtime series. What a wonderful experience that was - three times over. Such simple books but they outline what is truly important in life. Unconditional love by your family. And with that love, also firm guidance.

And take care to watch what enters your body and theirs through your eyes and ears as well as your mouth. Make sure that what you watch on TV isn't undermining you, your parenting, or your confidence. Do the Housewives of Wherever make you feel worse about yourself? Turn them off. More importantly, do the commercials you see during the show make you feel worse about yourself or your life? Then turn them off. Or at least mute them.

We were watching something the other night with our older kids and we always mute commercials. The Hardee's commercial came on where the woman is performing acts on a hamburger - you know the one I mean. And one of my sons turns to me and asks, "What are they really trying to sell?" Yes indeed, young one. What are they trying to sell? And what message are we getting? Do we somehow feel inadequate because we don't look like the people we see? Or because we don't own what they are selling? Or maybe our family doesn't act like theirs? Or have you just set up unrealistic expectations in your mind about what a great mom would look and act like?

We all get frustrated. We all have bad days. And we all wish we had a rewind button on our life so we could go back and get that one right.

Focus on what a great job you are doing. Remember that not a single one of us can do it all but we can try to do everything to the best of our abilities. We can forgive ourselves when we aren't perfect. And we can support each other while we do it.

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